Putting Christmas into perspective

Shortly after my fourth miscarriage I received a very encouraging email. She spoke of her sorrow for our family's recent loss and more importantly for her joy for our heavenly gain. As I reflected on what that exactly meant, I was reminded of one of my favorite verses since entering into the last year and a half of suffering. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain..." (Revelation 21:4) I am so encouraged by these words, who can imagine that day, no more pain? (John was speaking of the day Jesus will come back to earth and claim His people.) I can imagine it more and more every day. As I watch the broken world around us, and hear of other people suffering, I am reminded that 4 of my babies will never have to endure suffering or pain. Not only will they never experience these hardships, best of all, they get to be with Jesus. Now I can see the heavenly gain she was speaking of.

This month has proved to be more difficult than I had previously thought. I was prepared for a little "holiday blues." What I wasn't prepared for was how my heart would break for the first child we lost. This month would have been that baby's first birthday. I was not prepared for how deeply I would grieve over that baby all over again. I remember thinking how I should have 3 children to celebrate Christmas with this year. Our third baby would have turned 3 months old this month as well.

Thankfully, my grief did not end there. After a few more hard days and much time spent talking and crying with Mark, I released my grief to the Lord. Not to say it won't creep up on me again, but I do feel His gentle hand wiping away my tears.

Really, life is all about perspective I am learning. Putting the important things into perspective is not always easy or pain-free, but the honest joy and hope that comes from it are well worth it.
As Kaylee and I were reading a pile of her favorite Christmas books, she was asking me some pretty cute questions. She asked about Santa and the Nutcracker. Then I reminded her that soon it would be Jesus' birthday. Her eyes got real big and she said. "Do I get to meet Jesus? Is He coming to Kay Kay's house?" And I just was reminded of how a child sees that world and how exciting this time of year is to them! It makes me long to have a child's perspective on life.

Merry Christmas, hope you all sense the Joy and comfort of this very special time!