As I walk this road God has laid out before me, I have prayed for Him to bring me other women who are suffering. Whether they are in the thick of it, like me, whether they have passed it many years ago, or whether it comes and goes like a roller coaster through life.
Some of these amazing women have newly entered my life,
some have been here for years,
and some I am yet to meet.
In fact, as I have been on the road to demolish the ugliness of self pity, I have recognized more and more of my dear family and friends who are currently suffering from all kinds of things.
It was only when I began to see beyond my selfishness that I could see life clearer and through a wider scope. It was as if God was softening my heart for others and weakening my pain in the process.
It has been so freeing, really. Not only am I not alone on this road, but God has brought many of these women to me. I hunger to reach and be reached by other hurting women. I am sensing this is were God is leading me in ministry.
It gives me a strength and a renewed spirit to watch and hear how God has restored many of these women. Although they may still be suffering, He is at work in so many peoples lives, and I get to watch it!
Though God has chose to restore my heart time after time, there are so many questions that still remain. I used to feel guilty asking Him these questions. I hear of so many stories, ones I cannot begin to imagine and I just have to ask Him "why God". I read a passage from James Dobson's book, "When God doesn't make sense", it says this:
"Clearly unless the Lord chooses to explain Himself to us, which He often does not,
His motivation and purposes are beyond the reach of mortal man...Many of our questions
-especially those that begin with the word 'why' - will have to remain unanswered for the
time being."
Now I know that does not answer our questions, but it is reassuring to know we are not alone in our questioning. It reminds me of a verse in the bible.
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5
In the book, "Grieving the Child I never Knew", the author explains the "why" topic so beautifully. She says this,
"Most of us in the journey of grieving the child we never knew will find ourselves in the Sea of Why, pondering our loss. During times of questioning I reflect on Job's life and remember that God allows suffering and has purpose in our pain. I must choose to look beyond "the why" to "the Who" and view my loss through the lens of God rather than human sight."
So, if you are journeying the road of suffering along with me, or if you have your own set of "why's", welcome! I am right there with you.
I pray God will bring healing to your heart and bring you closer to Him in the process! God Bless!
Pursuing Dreams
5 months ago
2 comments:
Hi Angie! I am a lurking friend of Tricia's and Sara's,and we met at Banana Play a couple weeks ago. I also have a 2 and a half year old and experienced 2 miscarriages in the last year. Although I haven't made myself known, you are definitely helping me in my suffering through all this. I really appreciate your honesty and have helped me to put my feeling in perspective and remember what is important. So Thank you!
Jenn
I have really been encouraged by your honesty and perspective. Thanks for being so willing to share!
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