Life is good

So, I feel the need and the desire to share the fun, joyful side of my life. I realize my recent blogs have been very heavy and may not give the best description of my daily life. I wanted to share some photos of my two favorite people in the world. Through all the pain and unknown, it amazes me how much joy has been brought to my life, especially through these two amazing people.

I think one of the best things that has come from this journey has been the way God has drawn Mark and I closer to one another, and in turn closer to Him. We have been abundantly blessed by our friends and family who have cared for Kaylee so we could spend time alone through all of this. It has been through these times that I feel our bond strengthening and our burden lifting.

The joy that Kaylee brings to our life is just indescribable. For those of you who know her, well lets just say when she opens her mouth, your in for a surprise. This girl says the funniest things, and they are usually very thought out and smart. I have started writing them down in a journal. There are daily quotes that just make us all laugh, so I don't want to forget any of them.

I had always dreamed that Kaylee would have younger siblings to play with by the time she was 3 1/2 years old. Instead of focusing on this dream, I have been so thankful to have so much special time to spend just the two of us. We have had so much fun this winter. I know I would not otherwise have this much time and energy to pour into this little life.

So these are the ways God is pulling me through and showing me the joy and blessings He had planned especially for my life.
We still do not know our future, but I can rest in the present and be sure His provisions are more than enough.

God Bless to all who have lifted us up in prayer!

A few Pictures of my Favorite people!

For You created my inmost being

"For You created my inmost being; you knit me together
in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be. " Psalm 139: 13-16


Yesterday, I discovered that my latest baby was a little girl.
My heart has grieved over this tiny life all over again.
I wonder, would she have big blue eyes and gorgeous curls like her big sister? What would she be like, look like, and sound like?
So many dreams I had for this little life the 8 short weeks I was privleged to carry her.

A dear friend of mine gave me a book called, "Grieving the child I never knew, " shortly after losing my first baby. At the time it was heartwrenching to read. One of the exercises encouraged
me to imagine what my baby would be like.
I was not ready back then.
I am now.

This passage in Psalms is so dear to my heart. I am certain that God had a plan for this tiny, but very significant life he placed in my womb.
He was right there when He knit her together in my womb,
when His eyes saw her unformed body,
all her days were written in His book...

You see, I know the end of my story,
I know where I will spend eternity,
I know of the place where "there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain."
And oh how I long for it!
I know that is where 4 of my babies will be waiting for their mother one day.
I just wish some days I could know the middle of my story, will there be more babies to hold here on this earth?

Oh, the questions arise...
And I feel His gentle voice saying, "my grace is sufficient for you."

"Our Hope Endures"

My very sweet sister-in-law sent this song my way.
I thought I'd share it! It really spoke to me and reminds me
of the peace and Hope that comes with knowing God.
It's by Natalie Grant
P.S. If you want to hear it, you can just click on my playlist
and scroll down.

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume that this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain
Our joy at a good man's wake
Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient

We never walk alone
This is our hope
Our hope endures, the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

One day at a time

As we approach the third month since our latest miscarriage, I am finding myself less and less praying for the absence of suffering. Don't get me wrong, I do not care to have any more miscarriages, let alone lose anyone else in my life. I enjoy suffering no more than the next person. I do, however, see it's purpose played out in life here and there.

Since joining the blog world, I have been introduced to so many people's stories on their own blogs. Stories of hope, of faith, of persevering, and ultimately of God's healing power. I have read about tragedies I could not even begin to relate too. Some days I am so encouraged and some days a little overwhelmed. Either way they make "me" feel, they all speak of the God of the universe and His great love for each of us.

I have been reading through the book of Romans and stumbled upon this verse, "but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance: perseverance, character: and character , hope. And hope does not disappoint us..."

Of course you all know i love my study bible, and the study portion says this about that verse:
"We rejoice in suffering not because we like pain or deny its tragedy, but because we know
God is using life's difficulties and Satan's attacks to build our character. The problems
that we run into will develop our perseverance-which in turn will strengthen our
character, deepen our trust in God, and give us greater confidence about the future."

Nothing without You

Last night at church we sang this song. I have heard it so many times, but for some reason, it really resignated with me so I thought I'd share it! It is by Bebo Norman, a great Christian artist who I have enjoyed. If you want to hear it, check out my playlist at the end of my blog.

Take these hands
And lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
See, I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And all my soul needs is all Your love
To cover me, so all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing
I have nothing without You

And all my soul needs is all Your love
To cover me so all the world will see
That I have nothing
That I love You, yeah
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

Take my time here on this earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing
I am nothing without You

Happy New Year

I know it's been a little since my last entry...the new year has come so quickly. It's funny how ready you are for a new year to start when the previous one has brought much grief and pain. I remember thinking last year this time how much I was ready for a new year. I think secretly I thought I could put 2007 to rest and look foward to much less pain in 2008.

As Mark and I were reviewing our year, it's many struggles and hardships, we were also amazed at how much the Lord had blessed us in 2008. We decided to write down our praises of the previous year, as well as the list of prayer requests the lord has answered. It was so uplifting to see so many blessings.

For me personally, what I am most thankful for in 2008 is for how God has grown me.
He has shown me more love and comfort than I knew existed.
He has brought me further from myself, closer to Him.
He has taught me to feel deep compassion for hurting people.
He has shown me what life looks like from a whole new perspective.
He has shown me how to live in joy even in the midst of tremendous grief.
He has brought unbelieveable friends and family to comfort and love me like I never imagined.
He has forgiven my selfish, pity-filled heart.
He has placed in me a heart to love Him like I never knew I could.

For all of this, I am immensely grateful for this previous year and for the suffering that brought so much Glory to my God.