While I'm Waiting...

While I'm Waiting, By John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Here is a Youtube video of this song I stumbled upon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWI-iZsIKIk


Well, I heard this song the other day and when I got home I googled it and found this.
This past weekend marks our last due date. Our latest little one should have been born.
We know she was a little girl.
I have so many mixed emotions.
I watch Kaylee with babies all the time and just imagine what it would have been like for her to love on her little sister.

Oddly, I am so incredibly relieved, relieved I am done, at least for a time with the expectation of these sad reminders... I have empty arms for these little ones...

But what God has done to my life I could not have grasped, I could not have imagined, and because of that... I could not Love Him like I do today.

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!" Isaiah 30: 18

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits.
and in His word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord...
put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with Him is full redemption." Psalm 130: 5-7

Remembering

Today is the 2 year anniversary of our first miscarriage. We were on vacation with our dear friends at the beach. I was just retelling the events of that time a few days ago to some friends.

Two years ago was the start of a changed heart.

My life has never been the same since that day.
Not because it was the most tragic thing that has ever happened to anybody, but because it was the most tragic thing that ever happened to Mark and I.

Two years ago is when the roller coaster began, when the depression first set in, when the anxiety was first noticed. When my heart truly broke for the first time...

Two years ago was when I realized I don't get to make the plans...

Two years ago is when God took hold of His child and forever changed her.

With confidence I can say I am grateful beyond measure to a God of Mercy, Compassion, Healing, and Restoration...for turning my tragedy into beauty. For changing a heart so in need of change. For bringing so much joy to my life through loss. Amazing how only He can do just that.

Today I have a heavy heart for more women who are suffering...how my heart hurts so much for them. How else would I have the compassion and heart to pray for them or be a part of their journey without my suffering. I see purpose.

I have watched as God has brought people into my life at just the right time to walk with me through the valley and I see how He is bringing people into my life so I might walk with them. Isn't this what life is all about?

I will still make plans in my everyday life... but I know He holds all the Plans, big and small, and oh how thankful I am for that.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29: 11-14