Time

Time seems to go by so fast...we are just days away from my due date with this past baby girl. Some days it seems like forever since we lost her, sometimes just yesterday. This past weekend marked 3 years since we started this journey, my very first miscarriage. Crazy to think it has been that long. Kaylee was just a baby. Now she is such a big girl!

It's hard to describe how I feel right now. God has infused to much joy in my heart these last several months, so much contentment. Probably the reason I haven't blogged regularly. I am truly enjoying life, and from such a different perspective. But the pain is still so fresh and it still hurts so much. After 3 years of desiring a sweet baby and siblings for our little girl we are no closer to that dream today than we were 3 years ago. And yet God has done miraculous work to my heart. Would that be the case had I experienced pregnancy so easily? I really don't have many answers.

I love to ponder on God's word. He has ministered so much to my aches through His truth.
I can read this verse and claim it as truth in my heart...Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." I used to think waiting on the Lord meant, "wait for that long awaited baby He will surely give me." Now I see how He has so much more "waiting" for me than anything on this earth. He may choose to bless our home with more children or He may not. Either way, I love Him with all my heart and will continue to serve Him. For what He has done to me over the last several months I could not fathom. He has shown me how good life can be in the midst of my plan being thwarted.

Hebrews 11: 1, 3, and 40
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible...God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."