Another precious girl

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
before you were born I set you apart"
Jeremiah 1:5

Just days ago we discovered our latest little baby was another precious girl.
In the same conversation, we also were told she had Downs Syndrome.

I can not even explain what it was like to hear this all. Mark and I had to "debrief"
after we left the Dr.'s office and just let it all sink in.

As I reflected on all the information, I remembered how I had pleaded with God this pregnancy
to have mercy on us. I was so disappointed when we sat in front of the screen looking up at our baby with no heart beating. I thought, "where was your mercy Lord?"

Then I remembered the visit for an ultrasound that day was specifically to look for our chances of carrying a Downs Syndrome baby by measuring the fold of the baby's neck. How ironic that we would have certainly found out that day we were carrying a very sick little baby. We would have carried her until the Lord took her home, but how much pain did He truly spare us?

I felt His mercy.

Then I remembered the sermon spoken the very day I got up in front of our church and spoke my testimony. He spoke of how God lessens our pain, we just may not know it at the time.

Indeed our pain was lessened.

Mark and I both agreed that day we would never look at a Downs Syndrome child or adult the same way again. In my 6 years working as a nurse, I took care of so many sweet Downs babies.
My friends at work all knew how much I loved having them as patients. I always have had a place in my heart for those children. And now I have one that will never leave my heart...


Again I imagine what she would have been like, looked like, and how she would have loved her big sister.

After the shock in the office the Dr. continued to talk to us about her thoughts. We were all convinced I had yet another disorder in which my body was somehow rejecting our babies. She ruled that out after getting the results. She was actually quite relieved to get the results back, claiming once again how this genetic anomoly like the last one was just a "fluke".
How is it that someone who already lost 3 babies has 2 genetic "flukes" after that?
Something I will never understand this side of eternity.

I have been called to walk this road once again. A road I never would willingly walk even once. There are days I feel I am being carried and days I feel a strength I can not explain walking beside me. I have no idea where I would be in this journey as an unbeliever. I know this happens to believers and unbelievers alike.

And once again I feel God's mercy.

He supplied me with His word, His presence, His body of believers, and His strength.

Honestly, what more can I ask of Him?