Drained

We just got back from a 10 day trip on Sunday night. We had a blast. But for many reasons I could list, we are so drained. We spent many days on the beach in Lake Michigan splashing around, making sand castles, and of course taking lots of pictures. To end our little beach trip, we drove to Cleveland for 3 days for my cousin Julie's amazing wedding. Both trips were so meaningful and the time spent with family will be unforgettable. Kaylee had so much fun with all her cousins, the ones she knows well and the ones she is just meeting.

So why so drained? I certainly know where the saying "you need a vacation from your vacation" came from. I allowed myself to be occupied every second of the trip. Busyness was the game. Not that that is unusual for me normally, but this time I was missing something I so desperately need, time with the Lord.

As I fell into my usual home routine yesterday, I realized how much I missed out on this special time. One of the red flags was the way I started responding to my family, esp Mark and Kaylee, who usually get the brunt of my yucky side.
I became someone that I don't like very much, someone I have watched God tuck away over the last few years.

My anxiety swelled, my attitude shifted, my patience dropped. I became easily angered, quick to respond, and quiet for nothing. So disappointing.


I grabbed the book our MOPS group is reading called "Becoming a Women of Freedom", Which is awesome by the way. The chapter I opened was, "Laying Aside Busyness: Running with Rest." Heald says this in this chapter: "Most of us today run in the fast lane of life. We choose this lane for a "myriad" of reasons. We must examine the bulky weight of constant busyness, for we will have difficulty finishing our race at the speed with which some of us are running. If we're going to persevere, then we must learn to run with rest, the comfort and refreshment that the Lord so lovingly provides."

As I read on in the study I came to a verse that just brings me to a still place.
Psalm 23:1-3 "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."
This verse is vastly known as one spoken at funerals... but so relevant to us still running the race.

The next chapter I dove into is "Laying Aside Anxiety: Running with Peace."
A quote on the first page really made sense to me.
"Areas of legitimate anxiety exist even for the strongest of believers. But the pressures of even legitimate concerns are not to dominate us or to make us habitually anxious, worried people. We escape by using anxiety creatively. This means that we must recognize the feeling of pressure and concern as a call to prayer.
We should immediately turn to God to lay our needs and the needs of others before him. We then turn back to live our lives encompassed by his peace. Anxiety, rather than drawing us away from God, draws us to him and thus fulfills his purpose for it in our lives."

This is so what I needed to hear. There is so much unknown in our future. We still have hope that God will bless us with more children. If I allow myself to think too much over the details, I get lost in a sea of questioning, and I rely on everything but Him.

I am so thankful for a God to quench my anxiety.
For He uses my weakness for ultimate good, to bring me back to my knees, to the only One I truly need.