For You created my inmost being

"For You created my inmost being; you knit me together
in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be. " Psalm 139: 13-16


Yesterday, I discovered that my latest baby was a little girl.
My heart has grieved over this tiny life all over again.
I wonder, would she have big blue eyes and gorgeous curls like her big sister? What would she be like, look like, and sound like?
So many dreams I had for this little life the 8 short weeks I was privleged to carry her.

A dear friend of mine gave me a book called, "Grieving the child I never knew, " shortly after losing my first baby. At the time it was heartwrenching to read. One of the exercises encouraged
me to imagine what my baby would be like.
I was not ready back then.
I am now.

This passage in Psalms is so dear to my heart. I am certain that God had a plan for this tiny, but very significant life he placed in my womb.
He was right there when He knit her together in my womb,
when His eyes saw her unformed body,
all her days were written in His book...

You see, I know the end of my story,
I know where I will spend eternity,
I know of the place where "there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain."
And oh how I long for it!
I know that is where 4 of my babies will be waiting for their mother one day.
I just wish some days I could know the middle of my story, will there be more babies to hold here on this earth?

Oh, the questions arise...
And I feel His gentle voice saying, "my grace is sufficient for you."