Lately

It has been so long since I've written a post...not really sure why. We have been busy fixing up our home to sell this January. It has taken a little longer than we thought. Just thinking about selling our home brings a bittersweet taste....this is the place where we started our lives together, had a child, and walked through adversity together. There are so many memories in this home. I am reminded what a blessing a home can be to a family. Our main reason for moving on is for school districts for kindergarten next Fall. Hard to believe my little girl is getting so big.

Life for us has been so peaceful. There is not a day that goes by that I am not reminded of God's grace and love for me. It brings tears to my eyes daily to remember where he has brought me from.
This Christmas time is so very different than the last three. Christmas is my favorite time of year and this year has been so much fun. Kaylee is really starting to understand what it is all about.
While at the post office last week she befriended an older man in the long line with her charm and funny disposition. His full attention was toward her and she knew it. So she started asking him if he knew God and Jesus? My heart sunk immediately as I was nervous for him to get scared away. When he said he knew them a little bit she proceeded to ask him if he knew what Jesus did for him? He said no. So she told him Jesus died on the cross for his sins and that He loves him very much. Then she just wouldn't let him off the hook...next was "do you go to church?" He sheepishly said no and she put her hands on her hip and said "why not?" This is where I started freaking out. I gently said "lets not grill the man". But he was not afraid of this little girl and was not scared away either. It really was a sweet conversation and I will never forget hearing my 5 year old witness to a stranger. The funny thing is I would never have done what she did, for obvious reasons. But the innocence and love from this little girl flowed out that day and I am pretty sure she blessed the man who held her attention the short 10 minutes we were in the post office that day.
This is what Christmas is about, not being afraid to focus on the reason it ever began. At church last night we talked about the first few verses from the book of John, how God created Jesus in the beginning, He always existed, not just the first Christmas, but from the beginning of creation. God's plan all along was to bring His only Son into the world as flesh to take our place.
John 1:1-4 "In the beginning was the Word (Jesus), and the Word(Jesus) was with God, and the Word(Jesus) was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind."
Merry Christmas!

Redemption

Yesterday was my testimony. Thank you for all the prayers, love, encouragement, and support.
It went so well. I came home from MOPS and fell to the couch. I had no idea how much energy it took out of me. I was so exhausted. For weeks I have been preparing my heart to share what God wanted me to share. I wasn't sure how it was going to look or how it would be perceived. It felt so good to be real and share about the Healing that God worked through my story. As soon as I stood before the room full of women I felt all my fears fall by the waist side and felt a strength from the Lord overcome me.

2 Chronicles 16:9 "The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. "

Today we wrapped up our 1 Samuel study. We have been studying David and his heart for God. He was no where close to perfect and though he was called "A man after God's own heart." David walked in the truth and did not turn form the Lord even in his darkest hours. In the video Kay explains, "When you walk in truth it does not mean you will not encounter difficulty or that your faith will not be challenged or that everything is going to go your way. But, you can know that a sovereign God sits on His throne and He sees your heart and He sees your obedience and He is going to show Himself strong on your behalf. God will work the difficulties together for our good and His Glory."


I have no doubt seen the goodness of the Lord shine through my life, through tragedy and through redemption...

Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Fall Family pictures

Prayers

So I am asking for prayers for this next month at MOPS. (Mother's of Preschoolers) Each month at MOPS we have different speakers come and share their knowledge, fun, or testimonies. The month of November I was asked to share my testimony. I am both honored and scared to death by this! Honored that the women in my group would be touched by God's story in my life and scared by oh so many things.

It was just last year I got in front of my church and spoke a small piece of what Mark and I had endured through our losses. At the time I was pregnant with our 6th baby. That was a whirlwind.
This time is so much different. I will be speaking for a lot longer and to a room full of mother's. I have an additional loss under my belt this year and so much has changed in my life.

The timing of this feels right and I feel God has given me an amazing story of His work in my life. The part that is difficult for me is getting up in front of people and doing a good job giving God the glory for my story. It is so easy for me to ramble about each and every little thing I have gone through. But I really want this to be an opportunity to be a blessing to any one out there who is suffering from loss, depression, anxiety, etc.

So this is where I need prayer...and also for time for me to get away alone with God and meditate on what it is God wants me to share and how.

Thank you ahead of time! Also, my testimony will be recorded and I will post the link here on my blog when it is available.

our little girl

We have had so much fun the last few weeks...Kaylee turned 5 and we really celebrated her this year! We all 3 went to Minneapolis for a wedding and took Kay to the "American Girl" store where we had a tea party. Then we had a Princess Tea Party with all her little princess friends.
This is the first year she really got into her birthday and understood it.

For me this celebrating was so sweet. It has always been really hard for me to watch this little girl grow older...I guess since we don't know if we"ll ever get to experience other children it is especially hard to watch it pass. But this year was different for me. I felt so free to celebrate this little girl, this life that God has given us to care for, to teach, to learn all about him. And I have been given a new freedom to enjoy her growing older. She has truly become a delightful little girl. So intuitive and curious about the world around her! So ready to learn new things.

We have certainly been blessed beyond compare in the life of this child!

The Farm

Hanging out by the campfire
Mark finally got Kaylee on the horse
Getting close to the Buffalo
The house my Mom grew up in


Kaylee was so funny...the cows were smelly!
At the "Wilds" checking out Giraffe and Rhinos
Beautiful sunset

We had so much fun last weekend at the farm. My mom grew up on a large farm and so we always enjoy going back to PA to visit and see the beautiful rolling hills. The older I get, the more amazed I am by it's beauty. We actually got to see the stars at night! We got to show Kaylee what the sky looked the way God created it. She reads all about the stars in so many books, but has never seen them at night for real! Here are some pictures of our time at the farm...more to come with cousins soon!

Complete

John 15: 9-11 "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."


I am getting ready to wrap up my study "Learning Through Loss." It is not the study, rather the Healer, who has brought me to this place of completeness. The depression that accompanied my losses is but a memory. I read this snippet on depression the author writes, "Some who struggle with loss struggle to the point of depression. Overwhelming feelings of sadness come and go, but some spiral downward with their sad feelings until they cease to handle their responsibilities...Those who are truly depressed are those who have lost hope. They no longer believe that God has a good purpose for their situation, that God cares, or that He will help them. This kind of doubt in God and His Word can become crippling unless there is a heart change that acknowledges the sin of doubting God and His promises."

The study portion of the above verse says, "When things are going well, we feel elated. When hardships come, we sink into depression. But true joy transcends the rolling waves of circumstance. Joy comes from a consistent relationship with Jesus Christ. When our lives are intertwined with His, He will help us walk through adversity without sinking into debilitating lows and manage prosperity without moving into deceptive highs. The joy of living with Jesus Christ daily will keep us level-headed, no matter how high or low our circumstances."

I am not proud to say I had days that I sunk into debilitating lows. Thankfully they were not many. And thank God, he pulled me out. This healing business has been a process for me. I could write a book, and a long one, about all the "come to Jesus" moments I had. But never have I felt more complete, whole, and at such peace as I do today. When I ponder why that is, many things come to mind. I do not know how or why these things have played a role, I just know they did.

One of the most extraordinary blessings that came from this journey is my marriage. I would never have said we had a "rough" marriage or really many "issues." But I also never fully understood the amount of joy that could come from 2 people joined together in God's name for His glory. We have talked much about what God has transformed us into and it still amazes both of us. This may sound crazy and outlandish, but I can honestly say the last 3 years of suffering was worth the transformation that God has done in both of our lives and together as a marriage.