Haiti

As some of you already know, Mark is about to embark on his first over seas mission trip to Haiti in 2 short weeks. As you all know, Haiti was hit with a devastating earthquake in January. Being the poorest country in the world before the quake hit, there is so much need in this country. Our church Lifespring Christian Church has partnered with HOM, Haiti Outreach Ministries, in order to serve this need. Their website explains their mission and the way they have been serving the Haitians for years, www.haitioutreachministries.org.

While this is an unbelievable opportunity for Mark, it also has raised a certain amount of concern for me. We have prayed about this decision for months now and feel like God is truly leading him on this journey. My concerns are 2 fold. Safety is one concern, and his health is another.

I would just ask for your prayers in this. I know God will bring about so much blessing to Mark's heart and to all the people involved in this trip. Here are a few of the specifics to pray for:

1) Safety for the team (they will be staying in an old school building without toilets or showers, they will have to go outside for these services)
2) Health (many people have been getting sick, even though they avoid drinking the water)
3) The Haitians hearts will be open to Christ (Haiti is heavily populated with devil worshiping practices)
4) The team will be equipped to fulfill their roles in Haiti (which includes home construction, roof repair, and teaching children English)
5) For Kaylee and me while Mark is gone, that we would be able to communicate with Mark and would have peace while He is gone

Thank you for your love and support of our family!

P.S. Mark will either hijack my blog while there or he will send me messages to post so keep checking back for updates. The trip dates are June 25th-July 3rd.

Time

Time seems to go by so fast...we are just days away from my due date with this past baby girl. Some days it seems like forever since we lost her, sometimes just yesterday. This past weekend marked 3 years since we started this journey, my very first miscarriage. Crazy to think it has been that long. Kaylee was just a baby. Now she is such a big girl!

It's hard to describe how I feel right now. God has infused to much joy in my heart these last several months, so much contentment. Probably the reason I haven't blogged regularly. I am truly enjoying life, and from such a different perspective. But the pain is still so fresh and it still hurts so much. After 3 years of desiring a sweet baby and siblings for our little girl we are no closer to that dream today than we were 3 years ago. And yet God has done miraculous work to my heart. Would that be the case had I experienced pregnancy so easily? I really don't have many answers.

I love to ponder on God's word. He has ministered so much to my aches through His truth.
I can read this verse and claim it as truth in my heart...Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." I used to think waiting on the Lord meant, "wait for that long awaited baby He will surely give me." Now I see how He has so much more "waiting" for me than anything on this earth. He may choose to bless our home with more children or He may not. Either way, I love Him with all my heart and will continue to serve Him. For what He has done to me over the last several months I could not fathom. He has shown me how good life can be in the midst of my plan being thwarted.

Hebrews 11: 1, 3, and 40
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible...God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

My sweetness!

She loves her umbrella!
Kay trying to find the monkey's on the map since we couldn't!
Family time at Ault Park!

Time away

I finally am feeling settled back to life. The last month came and went so incredibly fast. Hawaii was so wonderful. It was so refreshing to having nothing on our agenda and to just relax. I can't remember a time when we got to simply relax for 9 straight days. The other 2 days were traveling days, which were great too, considering I had no responsibilities other than remembering my carry- ons! I was able to read a book from front to cover! And of course the time spent with Mark was unforgettable. Just taking time to stop and watch the sun set at night reminded me of how fast life goes by in our busy world. I never watch the sunset in Cincinnati. That may be due to the fact I don't have a breath taking view of an ocean outside my house...either way, life is so short.

Mark and I got a few chances to take walks and just look around at God's amazing creation. It seriously stunned us how much beauty God has created for us to enjoy. We got to see dolphins, sea turtles, octapus, eels, all sorts of colorful fish, and (my favorite) a whale! One of the most amazing things we did while there was take a plane ride over the entire Big Island of Hawaii. Words or pictures could not describe the breath taking beauty we saw from the sky. The lush green rain forests with waterfalls on the "wet" side of the island and the active lava flowing volcano on the "dry side." It looked as if we were flying over the moon when we passed the lava on the volcano. I got choked up as we glided past the lava oozing . Just to see what man could never create blew me away. We even got to see the red hot lava. We saw a pretty amazing crater oozing smoke as well.

I am so thankful God has blessed us with the opportunity to see parts of the world. The best part is seeing it with Mark. Our time together was so great. We both missed Kay tons and were quite ready to come home to her. Both of our parents watched her while we were gone. It was so wonderful to not have to worry about her the entire time.

Once we got home and unpacked, I came down with a nasty flu bug. I was pretty much bedridden for a few days. I ended up on my 4th antibiotic in 4 months and am praying the last one. It was so hard to go from paradise in Hawaii to feeling so sick. I am on my feet again and it feels so good. I have been trying not to worry about house stuff and just have fun with my little girl.

That is all for now...I will post some more pics of sunsets and volcano's soon!

Hawaii

Right now

It has been some time since I have regularly updated my blog. Time passes so quickly and I am reminding myself to cherish the "right now." Just watching my baby girl grow and learn reminds me how fast they grow up. I have compiled a journal just for her one day to read. It is filled with all the funny things she has said, all the fun things we have done, as well as my thoughts on how much fun raising her has been. It is something I pray she will treasure one day.

I am also in the midst of cherishing my time with Mark. He has had many health issues over the last several years. I feel we are at some sort of specialist each month. I am reminded to enjoy our life "right now" and not look ahead so much. It is so easy to look ahead and want. But when I truly sit down with the Lord and spend time thanking Him, I am brought to my knees by His goodness. He has blessed me in ways I never imagined. We are just days away from a trip to Hawaii that Mark in his hard work earned for us. Which reminds me how thankful I am for a job that blesses us so richly. I am thankful for both of our wonderful parents who have willingly agreed to care for Kaylee so we can get away.

I am thankful for how God has revealed Himself to us as of late. I have watched as He has opened many doors in our lives to be His voice and share what He is about with other people. He has used Mark in such amazing ways lately that it truly has left us in awe. I am so enjoying where God has placed us "right now."

It's hard to believe it has only been 4 months since I lost our latest baby. The grieving process this time was so much different. There was no time of numbness. I am certain I am not through this process yet, but this time I am not suffocating in the pain like I was in the past. For the first time in a long time, I am content with our small family God has given us. It has been so peaceful to rest in that.

Our counseling continues to be so encouraging. We both so enjoy it, as crazy as that sounds. It is really helping us make boundries and not second guessing our decisions. Having a sounding board to bounce our thoughts onto has been so helpful.

I am learning what it means to enjoy the "right now" and it is good. I am confident God will have much more to teach me throughout my journey, but for now I am enjoying where He has placed me and who He has placed me with...
I will post a few pictures from our time away when we return, God Bless.

Free

It has been quite some time since my last blog. A lot is going on in our lives. I am finding computer time to be less and less these days. Our church (along with 84 other churches in Cincinnati) started a series called "Free". It has been great. We all have these workbooks that were so carefully thought out and well written. Mark and I both have been realizing so much about our lives and where we have been settling. It's so easy to think the little habits or idiosincracies in our life are just "who we are" and never going to change. It has been so freeing to know these things can certainly be changed with God's power through His spirit.

It has been revealed to me areas in my life where I am in bondage. God never intended for us to live in bondage to anything, but rather to be free. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom". I am finding when I heed what my conscious is telling me (which is really God's Spirit), like "rest" or "keep a quiet tongue", that I am always thankful I listened. But how often do I try to figure things out on my own, with my own strength, my own power, only to completely exhaust.

Mark and I recently started grief counseling from a Christian counseling group in town.
We both have so enjoyed it. We kinda look forward to it all day, like a date night , crazy, I know.
At the 1st session we told of our last 3 years and after speaking it all out loud realized how much we have truly gone through. At the end of our story the Counselor threw up his hands and said, "really, that's it? " We both laughed out loud having no idea where he was headed. He then started sharing how he would expect a lot more than some anxiety on both of our parts and some depression here and there. He asked how our marriage has been able to survive this and how we have been able to function up until this point? We really had no answers. Honestly, we have not "done" the right things through out our suffering and grief. Both of us felt we have distanced ourselves from God at times, both felt we have treated each other harshly at times, both have admitted to selfishness, both have tried more times than not to use our own strength. And both of us have been so incredibly exhausted.

As we reflect more on his question, the only solid explanation is being carried by God all this time. I think it's no coincidence this "Free" series has come at this time in our lives. I feel a nudge from God that He is ready for us to make the next move to our freedom. He has provided in more ways than I have time to explain, in every aspect of our lives. He has given us more Grace than we ever could have earned. He has loved us more than we are capable of loving. We are finally ready to be free...

here's a quote form our workbook that says it so well: "Remember: getting free isn't about jumping through the right hoops or correcting your thinking. Freedom comes from a changed heart and a fundamental belief that God is good and intends good things for you, even when circumstances don't seem to line up with that belief...True freedom is about receiving what was always yours to claim."